Being my No.1 Comforter

At times, in my intimate relationship, I feel we fall into defensive roles we played in our families of origin.  Hurts arise between us, and the atmosphere in our home becomes spiky or frosty.

Acknowledging and being with the defended or hurting parts of myself, the way Internal Family Systems method has shown me, has become a crucial part of staying in intimate connection with my beloved.

Curiosity about what’s happening brings a growing sense of ease with exactly what is between us, even when our distance or conflict feels hard to relax with.  I am learning to be my No.1 Comforter, taking the pressure off him to ‘make it all better’.

This in turn gives us both the space and time we need to gradually come back into connection once again.